Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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