Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
