Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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