Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
