I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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