what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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