Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
