I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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