u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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