I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
