Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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