you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
