Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
