Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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