If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
