you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How does one acquire holy water?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
