Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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