CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
