Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
