So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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