THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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