You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
