you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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