Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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