I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
