I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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