i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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