Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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