If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
