He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
