dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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