one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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