I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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