He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
