Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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