rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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