Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
