Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
