Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
