a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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