dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
