i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
