i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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