I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
