I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
