Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
