Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
