if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
