got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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