Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
