Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
