The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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