my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
