Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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