She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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