I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
now i know why i became what i already was.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
