dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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