all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling