My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
